Monday, August 10, 2009

I Owe You Love

I owe you love, but I’m worn-out and beat
My tears locked inside, yearning for release
Release is what they find as my heart breaks
For my future is, beyond doubt, at the stakes
Of being solo, of living without you
My one and only, my true soul mate

I see you everywhere, I feel you everyday
Lost within me, surrounding me
I’ve never felt a greater pain
As a knife cuts through me
Through my every artery, my every vein

You spoke out when you should not have
I wish I never knew now
What I never knew then
I wish I was kept in check
But instead, I went back to black

We only said goodbye with words
Then I died a hundred times
Yet, I wonder what might have been
If only we stood a chance,
If only we could have been

A mere glimpse of you brightens my day
Even, temporarily, fades my pain to stray
Darkened by parting and longing for the away
Distances covered, bereavement entailed
For I cannot have you anyway
You were never mine in the first place

My suffering, only you can alleviate
Yet, even in my want and selfishness
That weight, my conscience cannot bear
To make another suffer for my fair
Away from this path, my every desire
And my poor heart, have to deviate

Your memory lingers eternally
And ever so strongly
Love is what I’ve tasted
A taste of heaven, a taste of ecstasy
That I never thought would exist
Except in dreams and fairytales

A picture so beautiful
That a lens would shy away
So tangible is what it was
But not long enough to stay
To give my life meaning
And give it an array of times so altered
Happiness so tortured by another’s present state

My first vision when I wake
My last wandering thought before I sleep
It only hurts with every breath I take
Never thought my fall was so so deep

I saw the world through your eye
My void was filled by your side
Never knew that I could experience such bliss
Although I’ve never held you or even gotten a kiss

Yet, you’ve kissed away all my pain
Showed me that sorrow is in vain
Taught me that my strength remains
Through better or worse, keeping me sane

You were my twilight
You were my delight and only flight
Without you, I have been burning love
Love so heated, that turned to firelight
But now you’ve turned into my plight
That I cannot, with all I got left, fight

You were my sole soul sanctuary
Until I wrote my own obituary
Until I lost my sanity, momentary
Trying to reclaim it, barely temporary

Without you, what I am is incomplete
To my heart’s chambers, no other can compete
Dormant within them I’ll remain
Until I turn to stone or sail away

My heart aches with sorrow
Fallen into an abyss with no tomorrow
For you’ve always belonged to another,
You never really belonged with me
Yet, by your side is where I’d want to be
But that is not written in heaven for me

All alone, misery I have to endure
Wrecked to pieces, not just bruised
A healing of my heart is not foreseen
For, this way, I had never felt before
An utter completion of my whole state of being
That never have I thought existed except in poetry

A love so epic, so grand
Incapable, is what I am
Of letting go, in the dangerous hope
That maybe one day, we will actually be
For now, my one and only comfort is my solitude
No matter what, no other could ever take your place

Now, wounded on the battlefield, without you, I lay
A struggle, renewed, is my every single day
A coma is my sleep, the best part of my stay ,
My place of escape, where I take a break
From the entire world and the strangers’ gaze,
On this earth, until I depart or fall astray