Monday, August 10, 2009

I Owe You Love

I owe you love, but I’m worn-out and beat
My tears locked inside, yearning for release
Release is what they find as my heart breaks
For my future is, beyond doubt, at the stakes
Of being solo, of living without you
My one and only, my true soul mate

I see you everywhere, I feel you everyday
Lost within me, surrounding me
I’ve never felt a greater pain
As a knife cuts through me
Through my every artery, my every vein

You spoke out when you should not have
I wish I never knew now
What I never knew then
I wish I was kept in check
But instead, I went back to black

We only said goodbye with words
Then I died a hundred times
Yet, I wonder what might have been
If only we stood a chance,
If only we could have been

A mere glimpse of you brightens my day
Even, temporarily, fades my pain to stray
Darkened by parting and longing for the away
Distances covered, bereavement entailed
For I cannot have you anyway
You were never mine in the first place

My suffering, only you can alleviate
Yet, even in my want and selfishness
That weight, my conscience cannot bear
To make another suffer for my fair
Away from this path, my every desire
And my poor heart, have to deviate

Your memory lingers eternally
And ever so strongly
Love is what I’ve tasted
A taste of heaven, a taste of ecstasy
That I never thought would exist
Except in dreams and fairytales

A picture so beautiful
That a lens would shy away
So tangible is what it was
But not long enough to stay
To give my life meaning
And give it an array of times so altered
Happiness so tortured by another’s present state

My first vision when I wake
My last wandering thought before I sleep
It only hurts with every breath I take
Never thought my fall was so so deep

I saw the world through your eye
My void was filled by your side
Never knew that I could experience such bliss
Although I’ve never held you or even gotten a kiss

Yet, you’ve kissed away all my pain
Showed me that sorrow is in vain
Taught me that my strength remains
Through better or worse, keeping me sane

You were my twilight
You were my delight and only flight
Without you, I have been burning love
Love so heated, that turned to firelight
But now you’ve turned into my plight
That I cannot, with all I got left, fight

You were my sole soul sanctuary
Until I wrote my own obituary
Until I lost my sanity, momentary
Trying to reclaim it, barely temporary

Without you, what I am is incomplete
To my heart’s chambers, no other can compete
Dormant within them I’ll remain
Until I turn to stone or sail away

My heart aches with sorrow
Fallen into an abyss with no tomorrow
For you’ve always belonged to another,
You never really belonged with me
Yet, by your side is where I’d want to be
But that is not written in heaven for me

All alone, misery I have to endure
Wrecked to pieces, not just bruised
A healing of my heart is not foreseen
For, this way, I had never felt before
An utter completion of my whole state of being
That never have I thought existed except in poetry

A love so epic, so grand
Incapable, is what I am
Of letting go, in the dangerous hope
That maybe one day, we will actually be
For now, my one and only comfort is my solitude
No matter what, no other could ever take your place

Now, wounded on the battlefield, without you, I lay
A struggle, renewed, is my every single day
A coma is my sleep, the best part of my stay ,
My place of escape, where I take a break
From the entire world and the strangers’ gaze,
On this earth, until I depart or fall astray

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Of the Curious Case of Time

[This poem is inspired by the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]

I wonder if I can turn back time
To the day when I was young
And rewind the tape of my life
To dear memories imprinted deep
Of times full of hopes and dreams
To innocent childhood swept away

A conscious voice awakes
Freedom is all it seeks
From the binds of the keep
Of the time and its gate
And the keeper in a spate
Keeping the travelers abate

Understanding life is a journey
Undertaken by the brave
Seized by a sensible crave
For the unusual and the grave
Before it is too late
And one comes of age

Age so old turns into a heavy burden
Too hefty to carry on one's shoulders
A backward clock becomes a fantasy
In a world filled with loads of agony
Wishful thinking becomes a felony
Redeemed by regrets and senility

A realization renewed manifests
That present is a precious gift
Of times not taken for granted
If only there was no tomorrow
One other day, God only knows
On this earth, cannot be guaranteed

Now a new resolution beckons
Into each and every second I dive
And for shinier tomorrow I strive
Yes, life will forever be a mystery
That must be lived forwards
Only to be understood backwards

To the Cemetery Underneath

Death and all his friends
Creep up from all ends
Of the cemetery underneath
My lone dwelling sheath

Under my window
Lies a singled widow
Weeping for the loss
Of her beloved sons

Death doth indeed forsake
The dearest to heart in ache
With no more than a memory
Of an eternal tragedy

A reminder of mortality
An upholder of morality
That died within mankind
No longer a precious find

The demise of a soul
Puts on a grand toll
To the bereaved and relieved
Humanity devoid of conceit

Humbled by the departure
Of a loved one in torture
By a mortal of a creature
Whose undying feature
Is a face full of lies
And severance of ties

Death and all his friends
Creep up from all ends
Of the cemetery underneath
My lone dwelling sheath
Knocking on my door
Now and forever more

Of the Raging Sea That Will Never Calm

Always has the sea been a friend of mine
When the going gets tough
And in the most dire of times
It’d ease that endless sorrow of mine

The keeper of my secrets
The wiper of my tears
The holder of my hand
The kisser of my pain
It consoles me, never in vain

In the passion of the sea I drowned
That inside me, it ranted and raved
Deep within my soul it endured
That I felt its waves come alive
Looking for more, dreaming of more
Wanting more, yearning for more
And surviving forever more

A harvester of sorrow is what I was
Now I’m reborn, open to what’s to come
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There is a hunger still unsatisfied

A futuristic vision brought to life
Of high hopes that will always revive
The dreamer that I am
The detector of truths
The seeker of opportunity
And the lover of youth

I’ve become a dreamer that will never wake
In the obscurity of a life blurry and murky
Chasing the light at the end of the tunnel
Swept away by the fast train of a life
That is a battlefield to storm through

I’ve become a nomad in a desert of hope
Though in my lost haven I dwell
Looking for something as hope
From a sunny sky must have fell

I’ve become a writer to unleash
The locked waves within
Inspired by the nine muses
Who played on my fuses
To set free my mind’s wanderings

The raging sea that will never calm
Always roaring for more
Reaching up to the skies
Solo, I drift with its tides
Seeking peace and harmony
Seeking a soul mate to be

A hectic hunt I embark on
To discover my destined half
No longer compromising
To the aches of loneliness and solitude
And the misery that likes company

Falling for the wrong ones no more
The universe conspires for me to deplore
My thoughts of despondency and gloom
It conspires against me no more
To help me find the match I never met
Yet, faithfully, certain that I’ll meet

For my pursuit of happiness
I strive to exist in blissfulness
With the strength of a prey
That refuses to be victimized
Or fall as yet another casualty
To a world by conflicts wearied

Of the raging sea within
A story remains untold
Not a thing will ever appease
Its appetite for the extraordinary
Still it will always tease
My appeal for the unknown

To Gaza

Lost in the translation
Of the cries of a nation
Undergoing elemination
By the beast of civilization

The rapists of the sacred land
Even the tiniest grain of sand
Would not even allow a hand
To be stretched to the aid
Of the wretched and the ailed

Humanity forsaken
Mercy undertaken
The world is shaken
By the gravity of the making
Of a massacre unprecedented

While everyone stands witness
To the killing and the bitterness
Of the helpless commanders
As they take their orders
Flying across the borders
Of a world torn by disorders

Then, in shame, they hide
From their peoples and their chide
Yet nothing seems to have changed
All is constant, all is unchanged

The hour of rebellion is near
Compassion is more than a tear
On the cheek of those who are dear
To the hearts of the fighters who will
With valor, regain the violated hill
And restore the divine will
On earth with a steady kill

A Holiday from Life

Caught in a brainstorm
Fallen under a hailstorm
Wintry is my heart
Summery is my mind

Wasted is my soul
Wandering among seasons alone
No companion to be found
I am no more sound

On a planet of my own
I live in sweet peace
Far away from hoot and loot
At me, there is none to shoot

Yet I find not what I seek
Here, there is nothing to keep
Me needs to find a way
To thwart my fall astray

Straying thousands of miles away
Exhausted, I stop and to God I pray
To take me on a long holiday
From life, I'm its poor prey


A child in pink
Grown in a blink
Grown into a man

A man so wise
Life in its diguise
Made him immortalize
The morals he's symbolized

Over the years
He swam the seven seas
Looking for hope
Of a life under periscope

A life he's striven to find
An expeience he sought to grind
But never found the time
Time enough to have lived
Through miracles and myths

A sage, his hair has greyed
In a lifetime of memoirs impressed
Upon a cheek with wrinkles repressed...


Away from home
I roam alone
Bent like an old man
Struck by woe

My heart breaks
For the future is at stake
My mind is a drummer
My hand is a strummer
At a cord, I'm stuck in a spate

Like a spear is my tear
Falling down on one so near
So near yet so far away
From a distance, to God I pray
To get back to a better day

Haunted by the past,
Alas! I'm caught in a blast!

Behind Blue Shades

"Eyes are the window to your soul,
"Wisemen said.

Behind blue shades
My eyes hid,
Hid from everybody, hid from the world,
Locked within a lid.

Behind Blue Shades
In a world of my own,
I roam around alone!

Behind Blue Shades
I felt power in me,
I felt invisible, isolated,
I felt invincible, I felt free.

Behind Blue Shades
Lonesome, I lament
Fearsome, I repent.
A lost soul, God only knows!

Behind Blue Shades,
My happiness vanished,
My misery sheltered,
About what's in me, nobody wondered!

Requiem for a Dream

Funny how you just keep on clinging to a certain hope, a certain dream, working on bringing it to life, on making it come true, then something just kills it!

Funny how you preach to your loved ones and friends a message of hope, ask them to hold on and keep their spirits up whenever life brings them down, whenever the going gets tough, then all of a sudden, it’s hard for you to practice what you preach!

You find yourself overwhelmed with hopelessness, with fear, with doubt. And you just wonder whether you should go on, keep hitting that road, or just pause for a while, cease all movement, STOP! Simply live life as it comes without planning, without questioning, without judging, less thinking too much of what’s to come.

Later, you decide to resort to Him, when you’re tired of reasoning! You have a dialogue with God! You ask Him what might have gone wrong, you look back on what you did attempting to make sense out of it all! Sometimes you get an answer, and sometimes you just don’t, well for a while! It’s all about faith! That’s what it comes down to. At times it’s just there at a climax when you think to yourself that whatever comes simply comes for a reason, that whatever you wanted and did not get might have been against your welfare after all!

It’s simply a matter of faith, strong at times, fragile at others, a matter of believing. In what? Destiny! That all your life you’re walking down a well planned road with a determined end, that life does not entirely boil down to your choices! Then you think that whatever comes your way is a mere result of choices you made and decisions you took! Which is it? I lost track, I don’t have the answer!

You’re torn between despairing for your murdered dream and hoping for and anticipating a better life, a better end to which you just keep on working and toiling! You’re wondering when you’ll see that bright light at the end of the tunnel that everybody keeps mumbling about! You’re confused! You’re trying to make sense of faith and destiny and their everlasting interrelation… Then you remember your murdered dream, and listen to your heart’s unsung requiem!

To be continued…

Insomnia – Amnesia!

Insomnia! Amnesia! Ain't it funny how both words just sound so melodious to your ear, yet their meanings are just elicit of troublesome lost lives!

Ever felt like zillions of thoughts are racing through your mind they just engender pain?!
A HEADACHE! Head and ache, two words combined to give out something we all suffer from pretty much in our daily lives!

Ever felt so lost, confused, and bewildered?! You don't know whether to be happy or sad, count your blessings or count your curses? Ever felt this excruciating pain that runs through your heart caused by surrounding occurences, personal or non-personal? Ever felt lone, isolated, or misunderstood in spite of the presence of loved ones?Ever felt lost in thought with unanswered questions?
Ever felt guilty you want to escape?
Ever felt innocent you can't make a break?
Ever felt lonesome, you're lost in a trance and can't awake?
Ever felt so tearful you can't breathe without a shoulder to cry on?
Ever felt so speechless you can't scream?
Ever felt like weeping when you're laughing?
Ever felt so hollow inside with nothing to fill your void?
Ever felt so crushed your heart just breaks?
Ever felt like you just don't belong and all you want to do is run for your life or fly far far away? Ever felt so overwhelmed with doubts and fears for lingering hopes and dreams you just get paralyzed and reach a point of no return?

You're just drowning in this sea of thoughts and emotions, frozen, wrecked, vulnerable with no foreseen rescuer! You keep drowning and drowning with not even a single straw at sight! You're blinded! You're deaf! You're senseless! You're very much dead!

Yet no, you're sleepless! Your mind is racing against... Mmm... Against what?
Time or space or some other unknown dimension?
Dillusioned! Hell yes!

Suddenly, your mind goes blank... Nothing to think of anymore! It's just empty! You wonder where and how you were just a moment ago! No answer... Still this vacant blank taking over you! Vacant blank? Is that even possible! Maybe... I know I made it there at some point!
And the legends of the fall unfold!

Simultaneous insomnia-amnesia is what it is! Sleepless, caught up in wasted memoirs of a life that was, a life that is, a life that won't seem to come back, a life that ceases to exist!A new disease? Maybe...No, an ancient one...

To Thee!

The Memory remained...
In my heart contained...
By my mind unexplained!

You lifted me up the seventh sky
Then brought me down the seventh earth!

With a heart of stone I wish I was born!
You let me go, now you’re forlorn!

You shred me into pieces... Shipwrecked!
You abandoned me on the shore and left!

Lonesome tears, I can’t cry them anymore...
I don’t know what they’re for...

I’d tell a friend to forget,
But with you I haven’t a single regret!
I’d tell a friend to move on,
Yet your memory lingers on!

Now I come to think,
Whatever I am, I’m nobody’s!
Once in the past, I was truly somebody’s!

On a pedestal of your own you'll remain...
Trying to forget you, yet in vain!

I got my armour back on...
But your remembrance lives along!

Mending, I think I'll survive...
Your memory, my heart still unwillingly revives!

The Girl in the Black Coat

The Girl In The Black Coat,
Walks a dark lonely road
Stormy and cold
With stories untold...

The Girl In The Black Coat,
Shivers Deep Inside
Feels Warm Outside
Sheltered by her coat's gloat...

The Girl In The Black Coat,
A loveless life she leads
An affectionate glance she seeks
A tender touch she pleads...
Yet instead, with tearful eyes she weeps...

The Girl In The Black Coat,
Walks a dark lonely road
Stormy and cold
The Stories she unfolds

The Girl In The Black Coat,
Enlightened, she is broad
Unhindered, she gets to the end of her road...